Anger management in Workplace

Anger in the Workplace

Nick was a ‘hothead’. He got angry very often, would blow up at his colleagues, often using abusive language. Sometime he would even fling things around. Other than this he was an excellent performer and so people seemed to tolerate this behavior. However when the time came for promotions, Nick was passed over in favor of someone who not so brilliant but was calm and controlled. Nick’s manager said that if he was to be considered for future promotions he would have to learn to control his anger. Nick was really shaken up – he had no idea his outbursts had even been noticed by seniors or that this could have such a negative impact on his career.

What causes anger in the workplace?
Usually it is when something you want to happen is not happening. Someone is not doing what you want them to do, there is some perceived unfairness, another’s behavior is causing inconvenience or is offensive. By expressing anger we are trying to get the other person to behave as we want them to.
Some people have learn to use anger as a means to get their own way in personal life, and so continue to use this even at work. But what they need to realize is that uncontrolled anger is perceived very negatively in the workplace.
Perhaps you feel that the idea of controlling anger seems all wrong.

"I am being true to myself, why should I change?”
“Well, if they are good colleagues/friends, they just have to accept me for who I am.”
“Why should I just take things lying down – they should know how I feel”

Yes, it may feel good for a while to know that you have vented your feelings, that you have established your point of view. But what are the other consequences?

Impact of uncontrolled expression of anger
Co-workers tend to lose respect for people who frequently vent their anger. You will not be perceived as a person who is rational, competent and capable of handling stress. And your words and actions during fits of anger could lead to irreparable damage to your professional relationships. You may regret what you said later, but you cannot undo it. Can you afford these negative perceptions?
Some people actually use anger deliberately to intimidate others into doing what they want. This may achieve its goal – others may do what they want, but they will be very resentful and feel manipulated. And if you want to work as a team then you need willing cooperation, not grudging compliance.
In addition, as Nick found out, you are being observed and evaluated. Uncontrolled anger is not the hallmark of a good leader, and so you are unlikely to be sought out for important leadership positions.

So what should you do when you are angry?
We are not suggesting that you must accept injustice or wrong-doing or that you should avoid all conflict. What we do recommend is that you learn to control your anger. Take time and active steps to calm down, and once you are able to think rationally, you can decide what steps you need to take. That way you will be acting consciously, not just reacting.
Do also remember that there are some things that can be changed, and we can use our anger constructively to help bring about that change. If a system or a process needs to be revised, if a person is consistently bullying others, if there is clear injustice – then rational action to bring about change would be excellent. But there are also other situations where change is not possible, or at least you are not in a position to bring about or even influence that change. In such circumstances you may have to learn to accept and make the best of the situation, or even remove yourself from it. Of course, as the prayer of the Alcoholics Anonymous states, it takes wisdom to know the difference between what can be changed and what cannot!

Anger is not wrong in itself, but uncontrolled expression of anger is never a good idea, and very definitely not acceptable in the workplace. Being able to control your anger is seen as a sign of maturity, and therefore will contribute to your career growth. It is well worth investing time and energy in learning to control anger rather than let it control you.

Overcome the fear of speaking in public

Do you dread having to do a formal presentation? Does the thought of speaking in meetings make you nervous?  You are not alone!

In a survey seeking to identify people's phobias, 41% of all respondents reported public speaking as their most significant fear; fear of death ranked only sixth! Another study found that more than 80% of the population feels anxious when they speak to an audience. Nervousness about speaking in public is not uncommon. John F. Kennedy and Winston Churchill, both considered great orators, were extremely fearful of speaking in public.

Top Ten Fears Among Americans 1. Speaking before a     group 2. Heights 3. Insects and Bugs 4. Financial problems 5. Deep water 6. Sickness 7. DEATH !! 8. Flying 9. Loneliness 10. Dogs

People who articulate well, both privately and in front of a group, are generally perceived to be more intelligent and to possess greater leadership qualities. Being able to speak effectively is important whether the intent is to ask for a raise or persuade an individual or company to take a specific action. Effective speaking skills can be especially valuable when you are called on to make an unexpected presentation. Such a situation can be nerve-racking, unpleasant, and potentially disastrous - or at least embarrassing! If you occupy any type of leadership position in any organization, sooner or later such an occasion will arise. That's when preparation and pre-learned skills will come to the rescue and enable you to turn surprise to your advantage. Confidence and effectiveness in front of a group are huge assets.

How do we overcome this anxiety? First we need to understand that nervousness is rooted in psychological stress (fear of failure) that manifests itself in physical symptoms (fast pulse, shallow breathing, dry mouth, sweaty palms, sick stomach, strange voice, and jittery knees). Another important fact is that, the feeling of apprehension is not all bad; anxiety can be useful. Extra adrenaline, increased blood flow and other physical changes caused by anxiety improve energy level and this enables you to function better than you might otherwise. Your heightened state of readiness can actually help you to speak better.

You can benefit from learning some positive approaches that will allow your nervousness to work for you. Here are some tips to help you fight nervousness.

Be prepared. The single best way to fight nervousness is to be well prepared. If you're well prepared, and still feel nervous, your preparation will help reduce your nervousness once you begin to speak. Prepare, and then rehearse, rehearse and rehearse!! Understand your audience wants you to succeed!

Know your audience. The more you can anticipate the kind of reaction your listeners will have to your speech, the more comfortable you will be delivering your message.

Visualize your success. Imagine yourself giving your speech, picture yourself walking confidently to the front and delivering your speech in a confident, controlled, calm manner.

Use deep breathing. One of the symptoms of nervousness is change in your breathing and heart rates. Nervous speakers need to take short, shallow breaths, to help break the anxiety-induced breathing pattern, take a few slow deep breaths, before you rise to speak. Also try to relax your entire body.

Act calm to feel calm. Evidence suggests that you can bring on certain emotions by behaving as if you were feeling them. If you wish to feel greater calmness, behave in a calm way. Give yourself extra time top to arrive so you won't have to rush. Try not to fidget as you wait. Walk forward as though you were calm and collected.

Focus on your message rather than on your fear. The more you think that you are anxious about speaking, the more you will increase your level of anxiety. Think about what you are going to say instead.

Seek speaking opportunities. The more experience you gain as a public speaker, the less nervous you will feel.

Workplace Romance

We spend a lot of time with colleagues in the workplace. It's only natural that at least some of those relationships would turn into romance. Romance can certainly make coming to work more interesting! And the chances of meeting a person with whom you have much in common are quite high. However, getting involved can be somewhat risky both for your career and for your relationship. So get to know some 'rules' before you get into a relationship.

KNOW YOUR COMPANY'S POLICY

Although dating a coworker is not illegal, some companies have policies against it; others turn a blind eye. Some companies don't want to intrude on employees' lives, while others are very conscious about the fact that it could lead to sexual harassment claims. Companies are worried about liability if a romance goes bad and therefore have a policy regarding interoffice romance.

Know your company's policy written and unwritten policies (Will one employee have to leave a department/team or the company?) and discuss, as a couple, the potential impact of your relationship on career.

HOW WILL IT AFFECT YOUR WORK?

Often new relationships are a big distraction, more so if your sweetheart is in the office. Minimize the effect by agreeing to talk only certain times during the day, like lunch. You need to very consciously keep your personal life separate.

Be aware of your motivations too, since boredom or dissatisfaction may be your impetus for office romance. If someone is bored or unsatisfied at work, having a romance can deflect dealing with other issues.

The ups and downs in your relationship could also affect your productivity at work.

CAUTION!

There is one corporate rule that is wise to follow: If the person you date is your supervisor/team leader/manager or a subordinate, it's best to simply steer clear. It's difficult to report to someone or effectively manage someone you're in love with. Besides this, there could be complaints of favouritism once others get to know. If you do become involved with your boss, ask to have your reporting relationship changed.

Another situation to be wary about: if either partner is married to someone else, this complicates the situation tremendously.

BE DISCREET

When you are in a relationship with a co-worker the golden rule to follow is to behave discreetly in the workplace.

Don't tell too many people at work about your relationship, and don't discuss your plans publicly. When Asha started dating her present fianc?she managed to keep loose talk to the minimum by not being seen with him around her workplace. "We used to meet at shop down the street and go out from there," she said. "For many months we barely nodded at each other at work."

Sometimes it's hard biting your tongue, Gautam says, when work and love collide. "If people said bad things about her I couldn't say, 'Shut up, that's my girlfriend.' I couldn't defend her the way I would have liked."

Completely avoid all physical contact or any public display of affection in the office. Don't send flowers or gifts to the workplace and do not write romantic e-mails using your official ID. Remember also that telephone conversations can be overheard!

BE PROFESSIONAL

If your position or responsibilities require you to work together, attend the same meetings, so on, behave professionally at all times. You are encouraged to be yourself, maintain and speak your continuing opinions, exhibit the same skills, and conduct yourself in the same manner as you did prior to the relationship.

These rules also apply even to social functions at work. At an office party or business social function, for instance don't dance too closely or hold hands, and be careful how you address each other.

MEET EACH OTHER OUTSIDE THE WORKPLACE

It is important to meet each other in different contexts as well. At work you only see one aspect of the person and the context of family background, community, religion and upbringing may seem less important. However all these factors also come into play in a long-term relationship.

IF THE RELATIONSHIP BREAKS UP????

You probably don't want to think about this, but there is always the chance that the relationship could fail. If this happens, be professional and adult about it. Even if you've been jilted and the relationship ends badly you cannot vent your negative feelings in the office. Neither should you attempt to pursue or persuade the other person. This is the risk of office relationships. They sometimes don't work out and then you have to continue to see or work with the person everyday.

Love and romance at the workplace are on the increase - and these could result in happy long-term relationships. Just make sure that you proceed with caution!

Manage workplace relationships

Do you look forward to coming to work because you enjoy the company and support of your colleagues? Or do you dread it because you do not get along with the others, or feel that you cannot trust them and see them as competitors.

Good relationships at work can make all the difference to our experience at the workplace. When we maintain congenial relationships with co-workers it helps us get our work done more smoothly, we enjoy our work more and it even motivates us to keep going despite obstacles and challenges. On the contrary, when working relationships are unpleasant, not only is it more difficult to get things done, but it also creates a negative atmosphere which affects our mood and productivity and even motivation to work.

We have different types of relationships at work. Some help us to get things done for eg. we need to network in order to get the information or resources that we need to carry out a task or we have to work collaboratively on a project. Other relationships help us to feel good - we may share our stresses or successes, encourage, support and motivate one another, eat meals together and so on. Both types of relationships are important and need to be nurtured.

In many ways workplace relationships are similar to any other relationships, and so many of the same principles would apply.

Give and take
All good relationships involve a certain amount of reciprocity and workplace relationships are no different. If one person seems to be at the receiving end all the time, the other would eventually become resentful. While it is good to ask for help when we require it, we should also take the time to find out what others need and try to provide assistance whenever we can.

Besides pouring out our problems or sharing our own successes, we also need to take time to ask our colleagues about their lives, and really listen attentively.

Communicate
Accurate communication is essential to a good relationship. We should take time to clarify what we mean. In the event of a misunderstanding or conflict, we should talk directly to the person concerned rather than discuss with others. There is sometimes a tendency to avoid a person with whom we have had a difference of opinion, but this is counterproductive. A direct discussion will clear the air and pave the way to restore the relationship.

Share common interests
We spend much of our waking time at work so it makes sense to check out if there are others who share a common interest – whether it is playing a sport, trekking, volunteer work, music, going for movies / plays or anything else. You will have company as you pursue this activity which will help in your all-round development and it will also help you bond with others. This is particularly important if you have moved into a new city to work or if your friends have moved away or work at different timings.

It is also wise to observe certain boundaries in these relationships to avoid negative consequences:

Remain professional
While it is not necessary to be aloof and formal, we must remember that we are primarily colleagues and therefore avoid saying or doing anything that would compromise this working relationship. While it is acceptable and even valuable to socialise with colleagues outside of the workplace, it is important not to do something that would result in feeling embarrassed to face them the next day.

Avoid gossip and back-biting
Gossip is widespread yet extremely destructive. It is possible to actively take steps to avoid being sucked into this negative pattern. If we find ourselves in a group which is tearing someone to pieces, we could attempt to steer the conversation in a more positive direction. If this doesn’t work it is better to tactfully leave the room – eventually others will get the message.

Be careful whom you trust
You may have built a close relationship with some people and feel safe in confiding in them. But do not assume that everyone is equally trustworthy. If something that you have said is repeated or quoted out of context this could cause a lot of problems. If there is something that you would not like to be repeated, then avoid sharing this information.

Good workplace relationships will make you look forward to coming to work, and you will find yourself saying ‘Thank goodness it’s Monday’!