Anger in the Workplace
Nick was a ‘hothead’. He got angry very often, would blow up at his colleagues, often using abusive language. Sometime he would even fling things around. Other than this he was an excellent performer and so people seemed to tolerate this behavior. However when the time came for promotions, Nick was passed over in favor of someone who not so brilliant but was calm and controlled. Nick’s manager said that if he was to be considered for future promotions he would have to learn to control his anger. Nick was really shaken up – he had no idea his outbursts had even been noticed by seniors or that this could have such a negative impact on his career.
What causes anger in the workplace?
Usually it is when something you want to happen is not happening. Someone is not doing what you want them to do, there is some perceived unfairness, another’s behavior is causing inconvenience or is offensive. By expressing anger we are trying to get the other person to behave as we want them to.
Some people have learn to use anger as a means to get their own way in personal life, and so continue to use this even at work. But what they need to realize is that uncontrolled anger is perceived very negatively in the workplace.
Perhaps you feel that the idea of controlling anger seems all wrong.
Yes, it may feel good for a while to know that you have vented your feelings, that you have established your point of view. But what are the other consequences?
Impact of uncontrolled expression of anger
Co-workers tend to lose respect for people who frequently vent their anger. You will not be perceived as a person who is rational, competent and capable of handling stress. And your words and actions during fits of anger could lead to irreparable damage to your professional relationships. You may regret what you said later, but you cannot undo it. Can you afford these negative perceptions?
Some people actually use anger deliberately to intimidate others into doing what they want. This may achieve its goal – others may do what they want, but they will be very resentful and feel manipulated. And if you want to work as a team then you need willing cooperation, not grudging compliance.
In addition, as Nick found out, you are being observed and evaluated. Uncontrolled anger is not the hallmark of a good leader, and so you are unlikely to be sought out for important leadership positions.
So what should you do when you are angry?
We are not suggesting that you must accept injustice or wrong-doing or that you should avoid all conflict. What we do recommend is that you learn to control your anger. Take time and active steps to calm down, and once you are able to think rationally, you can decide what steps you need to take. That way you will be acting consciously, not just reacting.
Do also remember that there are some things that can be changed, and we can use our anger constructively to help bring about that change. If a system or a process needs to be revised, if a person is consistently bullying others, if there is clear injustice – then rational action to bring about change would be excellent. But there are also other situations where change is not possible, or at least you are not in a position to bring about or even influence that change. In such circumstances you may have to learn to accept and make the best of the situation, or even remove yourself from it. Of course, as the prayer of the Alcoholics Anonymous states, it takes wisdom to know the difference between what can be changed and what cannot!
Anger is not wrong in itself, but uncontrolled expression of anger is never a good idea, and very definitely not acceptable in the workplace. Being able to control your anger is seen as a sign of maturity, and therefore will contribute to your career growth. It is well worth investing time and energy in learning to control anger rather than let it control you.
Nick was a ‘hothead’. He got angry very often, would blow up at his colleagues, often using abusive language. Sometime he would even fling things around. Other than this he was an excellent performer and so people seemed to tolerate this behavior. However when the time came for promotions, Nick was passed over in favor of someone who not so brilliant but was calm and controlled. Nick’s manager said that if he was to be considered for future promotions he would have to learn to control his anger. Nick was really shaken up – he had no idea his outbursts had even been noticed by seniors or that this could have such a negative impact on his career.
What causes anger in the workplace?
Usually it is when something you want to happen is not happening. Someone is not doing what you want them to do, there is some perceived unfairness, another’s behavior is causing inconvenience or is offensive. By expressing anger we are trying to get the other person to behave as we want them to.
Some people have learn to use anger as a means to get their own way in personal life, and so continue to use this even at work. But what they need to realize is that uncontrolled anger is perceived very negatively in the workplace.
Perhaps you feel that the idea of controlling anger seems all wrong.
"I am being true to myself, why should I change?”
“Well, if they are good colleagues/friends, they just have to accept me for who I am.”
“Why should I just take things lying down – they should know how I feel”
Yes, it may feel good for a while to know that you have vented your feelings, that you have established your point of view. But what are the other consequences?
Impact of uncontrolled expression of anger
Co-workers tend to lose respect for people who frequently vent their anger. You will not be perceived as a person who is rational, competent and capable of handling stress. And your words and actions during fits of anger could lead to irreparable damage to your professional relationships. You may regret what you said later, but you cannot undo it. Can you afford these negative perceptions?
Some people actually use anger deliberately to intimidate others into doing what they want. This may achieve its goal – others may do what they want, but they will be very resentful and feel manipulated. And if you want to work as a team then you need willing cooperation, not grudging compliance.
In addition, as Nick found out, you are being observed and evaluated. Uncontrolled anger is not the hallmark of a good leader, and so you are unlikely to be sought out for important leadership positions.
So what should you do when you are angry?
We are not suggesting that you must accept injustice or wrong-doing or that you should avoid all conflict. What we do recommend is that you learn to control your anger. Take time and active steps to calm down, and once you are able to think rationally, you can decide what steps you need to take. That way you will be acting consciously, not just reacting.
Do also remember that there are some things that can be changed, and we can use our anger constructively to help bring about that change. If a system or a process needs to be revised, if a person is consistently bullying others, if there is clear injustice – then rational action to bring about change would be excellent. But there are also other situations where change is not possible, or at least you are not in a position to bring about or even influence that change. In such circumstances you may have to learn to accept and make the best of the situation, or even remove yourself from it. Of course, as the prayer of the Alcoholics Anonymous states, it takes wisdom to know the difference between what can be changed and what cannot!
Anger is not wrong in itself, but uncontrolled expression of anger is never a good idea, and very definitely not acceptable in the workplace. Being able to control your anger is seen as a sign of maturity, and therefore will contribute to your career growth. It is well worth investing time and energy in learning to control anger rather than let it control you.
No comments:
Post a Comment