Living and working away from home

When you take up a new job in a new city, and move away from your family for the first time, you're setting yourself up for a lot of changes - living on your own, managing your finances, exploring opportunities, being adventurous, establishing a routine for yourself. While all of this, can be quite exciting and a great learning experience to have, the cumulative effect of having to adjust to all these new things all at the same time, can be quite overwhelming as well. Changes require adjustments - in lifestyle, attitudes and behaviors. This sort of adaptation to a new set up has also been known as "culture shock". But anticipating changes, difficulties and challenges can minimize its impact.

Adjustment unfolds in stages:

The "Honeymoon" Stage:
The first few weeks in your own, new place and the new city will be very exciting. Everything will be new and interesting, and you will likely be so busy getting settled and starting work that you may hardly notice that you miss your family and your familiar set-up.

Disenchantment stage:
When you face the realities of the new set-up, you might feel irritable, lonely, depressed, confused, may start to re-think this move and wonder why you did it. Sometimes you may feel hostile toward the local people and their way of doing things, and even trivial irritations may cause hostility to flare. Local peculiarities might make you irritable, make you grumble or crib often and compare it your familiar set-up. Homesickness starts to become a real issue.

Beginning resolution stage:
As you continue to struggle with homesickness, slowly, in time, you will come to better understand your new environment and will find, maybe even unconsciously, that you are adjusting to your new set up. You will experience less frequent feelings of irritability (if not complete resolution) and will start being proactive about making new friends, exploring the where and what of the new city and start working your way through your new organization - its nice and then not-so-nice aspects.

Effective functioning stage - Integration and Acceptance
Finally, you will find that you will have, at least on some level, started to consider your new set-up, your home. You will have made friends, reconciled and worked your way through the challenging bits of living away from home and old friends and will feel more accepted by your new set-up.

The length and intensity of each stage depends upon the individual, and the stages may even overlap but no one escapes it completely. The important thing to remember is that you are not the only one experiencing these feelings. Many others before you have gone through it, and there are others all around you who are dealing with these adjustments.

Common problems:

Starting life all over again. Basic things that people associate with familiarity, comfort, and routine, such as a place to live and food, are unfamiliar and new to you. You may have problems with eating, sleeping and other normal daily activities, especially in the beginning.

Financial problems. Living and working in a new place for the first time, will involve difficult financial management - figuring out how much to spend, on what to spend, how much to save, etc. Also, if you are finding a place to live with another person, issues of partnering on rent, deposit and other payments as well as getting familiar with lease agreement formalities and the like, will need to be figured out.

Health. New city, climate, eating out in the initial months, can cause health problems, which may add to feelings of loneliness, frustration, and overall stress.

Safety. Adjusting to living and traveling alone, figuring out a safe area to have a place of your own, and working out safe timings, can all become relevant issues - more so for women.

Separation from family and natural support system. You naturally worry about the well being of your family, relatives and friends. You will miss them. You may express homesickness in a variety of ways, such as becoming sad and crying a lot, worrying, or denying the homesickness and keeping yourself busy. You may also be bothered by guilt that you are losing touch with your family and home, as you get busy.

Social isolation and difficulty establishing friendships. You may find it difficult to mingle and get comfortable. You may find yourself sticking to people only from your background or culture or you may feel isolated from the larger group. Research into cultural adaptation of any kind, suggests that people who make satisfactory contacts with local people seem to be more satisfied with their experience and overall adaptation.

Reluctance to participate in discussions or mingle due to lack of confidence or poor English language skills. Small group seminars may be particularly anxiety-provoking for you; you may think that you cannot contribute to the group and, as a result, you may feel judged by your peers. Also, you may feel uncomfortable asking questions or asking for help or expressing your ideas.

Stereotyping and discrimination. You may come across some people who may actively discriminate against you or who look at you through a typical stereotype coming from popular media or rumors and may try to stay away from you as a result of this misinformation.

Psychological discomfort and low self-confidence. You may feel sad, anxious, frustrated, lonely, misunderstood, stressed out, homesick. Also, you may have psychosomatic symptoms such as headaches, stomach aches and general fatigue. For some, the stress may reach crisis levels, especially in the first six months of your stay in a new set-up. Because adjustment to a new set-up takes up so much emotional energy, you may feel depleted and feel like you no longer have the confidence to do the things you used to. You may find yourself changing or slowly lacking in self-confidence - which was never the case before.

What you can DO to help yourself:

While surviving culture shock is largely a matter of developing the right attitude and the right expectations, there are a few practical things you can do to help yourself:

• Make sure you know what to expect before you arrive. Read more about the city, the culture, potential residential areas and other things before you get there. This will help you orient yourself physically and mentally when you arrive in the city.
• Find some time to walk around your new neighborhood. This might help you develop a sense of home as you find the local stores, parks, activity centers, and so on. Observe and Learn.
• Talk to other new comers to put your experience into perspective. See people. Don't withdraw. Going out and socializing will distract you from your troubles. Remind yourself that it takes time to adjust to a new situation.
• Do the things you did at home to cheer up (restaurants, movies, playing a sport, concerts).
• Learn the basics of the local language - this can be a crucial key in gaining acceptance and indeed feeling comfortable in a new set-up. Even if you think you'll never have time to learn the local language, working at it for an hour or two a week will make you feel better about yourself.
• Remember your strengths. Take risks and speak out, mingle - in order to overcome the nervousness. Don't wait for others to take the effort and come forward. Once you make the effort and open up, you will see that it'll put others at ease and help them come forward.
• Reach out to the locals and ask them about how it works there - culture, transport, language, events in the city, etc. Observations have shown that local people enjoy talking or sharing about their culture and willingly open up to people who are interested and enquire about this. Talk about your culture. All this could become an important cultural exchange and a conversation that can lead to not just better adjustment in figuring your way through things, but also bring about friendship and support.
• Take care of your health. You can use the gym facilities at your work place or enroll in a gym in your area, or just walk/run on campus. Studies have shown that, as a result of physical exercise, our brains produce chemicals that make us feel more energetic and satisfied.
• Keep a journal. Putting your thoughts down may help you unload after a stressful or even highly successful day. Moreover, the journal is private.
• Keep in touch with family and friends and make sure that reach out to them when you need them - keep up the connection and don't let it go?especially with old friends. All it takes is a short email, phone call or text message these days!
• Talk to a counselor if you need to - to seek help in putting things in perspective and also dealing with the challenges. 

Knowing more about what you can expect in your new set-up and how you could feel in such a situation can help you mentally prepare yourself for the challenge and the excitement of living away from home, in a new set-up, for the first time.

People skills at workplace

Want to Succeeed in Your Career ?Want to Be a Great Leader?

Your People Skills could be crucial

32 year old Shiamak is brilliant, creative, energetic and aggressive. A financial and strategic genius is what some would call him. But none of these qualities seem to be helping him at the moment, he has just discovered a major production setback in an extensively publicized new product. Thousands of orders have been delayed, angry customers are furious and who knows how this news will affect the company’s stocks.

Things would not have reached such a crisis for Shiamak, if he had understood the value of building relationship with his peers and had his subordinates found him approachable, he might have been able to appreciate the cross-functional challenges of developing this particular product. Despite his brilliance and talent Shiamak is perceived by his peers and subordinates as self promoting, remote and intolerant. Relationships with his peers and subordinates were not a priority with him. Like so many other talented people he lacks the emotional competencies that would help him work better as a team.

We all have met people who hate their jobs because of the people they work with. In a survey of 1500 workers it was found that 12 percent of staff had quit a job at some point to avoid nasty people at work and 45 percent were thinking about doing so. Experts estimate that 15% of your success comes from your skill and knowledge and 85% from your ability to connect to people and build trust and respect.

The ability to get along well with people in your personal relationships and in the workplace is a set of learned skills. No one is born knowing how to build others self esteem, show empathy, encourage cooperation, and communicate assertively etc…

However it is not very difficult to learn and develop these skills. By making the effort to build these ‘people skills’ you will be able to build a better relationship at home and at work. It is a proven fact that people who can get things done through others, who can motivate; those who are liked and those who get along with others, stand a better chance at becoming leaders in the work place and leading a more happy and satisfied life. For a happier and more satisfied professional and personal life it is worth investing time and effort building the following set of skills;

Build others' self-esteem: At home, at work and everywhere else, people like to hear that they're important and relevant. Let them know you think they're working real hard, that they're doing a great job—that they're contributing; that who they are and what they do has genuine value. Try it with your spouse, with your colleagues, with your friends. Be an encourager and an affirmer. There is no easier way to building your relationships than this.

You can make others feel good by doing the following:

• Make eye contact with others.
• Call others by their names.
• Ask others their opinions.
• Compliment others' work.
• Tell people how much you appreciate them.
• Write notes of thanks when someone does something worthwhile.

Show empathy for others: Empathy means recognizing emotions in others. It is the capacity to put yourself in another person's shoes and understand how they feel about things.

Focus on your similarities: Research shows we're more likely to be influenced by people who are similar to us. If you've been there too, if you've endured their pain, if you look and talk and dress like they do, they'll probably like you more. They'll listen to you more, they'll confide in you more. So focus on the similar. Even if you have a scant one percent commonality with somebody at work, focus 100 percent of your conversation on that commonality when you can.

Communicate assertively: Assertive communication is a constructive way of expressing feelings and opinions. Assertive behavior enables you to:

• Act in your own best interests.
• Stand up for yourself without becoming anxious.
• Express your honest feelings.
• Assert your personal rights without denying the rights of others

Encourage people to cooperate with each other: Whether you are managing a family or a work group, there are specific things you can do to create an environment where others work together well.

• Don't play favorites. Treat everyone the same.
• Don't talk about people behind their backs.
• Ask for others' ideas. Participation increases commitment.
• Follow up on suggestions, requests, and comments, even if you are unable to carry out a request.
• Reinforce cooperative behavior. Don't take it for granted.

At your workplace build a team instead of a staff of competitors. Pitting people, who have to work together against each other sets up an atmosphere of unnecessary competition. The real competitor is the other business, not the people inside.

Don't complain: Do not complain unless you have a solution. Offer potential solutions when you identify problems, or say nothing at all

Smile a lot: Do it consistently throughout the day and then watch how others respond to you. You'll be pleasantly surprised (and they might be too!).

Use self-depreciating humor: Don't hesitate to make fun of yourself. In a world where people are so full of themselves and incessantly concerned about communicating their own importance, self-depreciating humor can instantly make you attractive.

Talk about your own mistakes while raising theirs: You might be a perfectionist, but you're not perfect. If you want to get somebody to listen to you about mistakes they've made, start by identifying your own.

Be approachable: Create an environment where people are relaxed in your presence and feel comfortable approaching you.

Apologize: Just say it and see how liberating it is.

Never, ever gossip - ever: Many people don't even realize they're doing it, bonding with someone by tarnishing someone else's reputation

Don't communicate when you're angry: Sometimes it's unavoidable, but often it's not. Most of us do an exceedingly poor job of making our point clear when our brains are clouded by anger. Never ever send an angry email. If you send it, your angry words will be on record for ever. So just say no to angry emails.

People skills are like any other skills. The more you use them, the more adept you become. So if you're serious about "perfecting" your people skills, there's no shortcut. Only practice will make perfect.

It is estimated that workers and managers spend half to two-thirds of their time dealing with people problems. The bottom line is that an aptitude for working with others is extremely important, so make a commitment to improve your people skills and you’ll observe that not only does it make you more productive but makes your job easier as well.

The Financial Crisis: Overcoming fear and stress

Ajay has a good job and a happy marriage. But lately he has been very anxious as he follows media coverage of the economic downturn. He is not sure if his job is secure, and worried about repaying the EMIs on his housing and personal loans and the children's fees. These days Ajay and his wife frequently quarrel over finances, the children grumble when they can’t have the ‘extras’ that they took for granted. He is tense and irritable, and finds it difficult to sleep, eat, or enjoy time with the family.

Ajay is not the only one in this position. News of the crashing stock-market, recession, layoffs, salary cuts… the uncertain financial situation is certainly a cause of great stress to most people. For those who until recently were very comfortably off, worries about how to handle day-to-day living as well as long-term financial commitments could be overwhelming. In the current economic situation the fear of unemployment is also very real. With so much emphasis on the financial crisis it is difficult to avoid feelings of anxiety and distress.

COMMON REACTIONS
Individuals could react to the situation in a variety of ways depending on the degree to which they are personally affected. The impact could be felt in many areas of one’s life:

At WORK it may be hard to maintain productivity. There could be a tendency not to give full commitment to the work because one is preoccupied with possible job loss and wondering whether other options should be checked out. At the same time there may be additional workload and pressure to prove oneself. Whether or not one’s job is directly affected, there may be anxiety about possible changes in the future.

On the PERSONAL front, individuals and families may struggle to cope on a reduced budget. Difficult decisions may have to be made regarding purchases, investments, housing – even marriage plans may have to be deferred. EMI’s, school fees, loans, credit card dues all need to be paid on an income that may be less than anticipated. It is not easy to explain to families that they can no longer afford the same holidays, clothing or schools. Disagreements related to finance may affect marital and other relationships.

PHYSICAL HEALTH may also be affected, with anxiety reactions, insomnia, headaches, back-ache, skin and digestive problems. Some individuals may resort to excessive use of alcohol or smoking as a way of escape, which in turn could lead to further problems.

COPING STRATEGIES
These difficult times are likely to stay for awhile. Instead of giving in to feelings of panic or denying the magnitude of the problem, one needs to face the situation squarely and take steps to get one’s life under control. Experts recommend a number of steps that could be helpful, and warn against others that are actually counter-productive. Let’s look at some of these.

DON’T . . .

• Don’t turn to substance abuse. Turning to alcohol, drugs or excessive smoking is one way in which individuals could try to escape their problems. This type of “solution” is only going to make matters worse. Drug addiction or alcoholism will leave the individual in no shape to recover financially when things do improve.
• Don’t take it out on loved ones. During times of stress there is often increased irritability and frustration and some individuals may resort to physical abuse of their partners or children as a means of coping. This of course is unacceptable and anyone who feels the urge to hurt their partner should seek help from a counselor to manage anger immediately.
• Don’t turn inward. Another possible reaction is to ‘clam up’ and withdraw from others. By doing this one is shutting off from people who want to help as well as from potential solutions to the problems.
• Don’t make sudden financial moves based on fear or stress. Proceed with caution and get expert advice before making impulsive decisions, such as selling your home, borrowing from your provident fund or changing investment options in your retirement savings plan.
• Avoid too much exposure to news about the economy. If this makes you worry. Limit how much financial news you read, listen to or watch.

DO . . .

• Stay positive. Those who maintain a positive mental attitude through tough financial times are the ones who bounce back the quickest. Try to recognize and appreciate all the positive things in your life. Focus on relationships with your friends and family, and your emotional and physical well-being. This will put things in a proper perspective and help you get through each day.
• Focus on what you can control. You cannot control the stock market or the economy, but you can control certain aspects of your personal finances. Remember that even in the past there have been financial highs and lows. The best way to get through the lows is to manage your money wisely and find ways to cope with uncertainty.
• Get financial counseling. Contact a financial expert (eg your chartered accountant) who can give you short-term solutions for your current financial problems without losing sight of your long-term financial goals so you’re not back in the same position a year from now.
• Learn to budget and use money wisely.
• Learn techniques to cope with anxiety and stress. Try relaxation, deep-breathing exercises, increase your physical activity and sleep and make an effort to be involved with some leisure activities.
• Upgrade your skills. This is a good time to carry out your plans to study further. This would not only serve to distract you from brooding over the crisis, but even more importantly, will be a great help in improving your prospects when the recession is over.
• Volunteering Helps. Studies have shown that helping others can improve the helpers own well being, getting involved with others can be stress relieving as it takes the focus off our selves. Volunteering makes people happier and more confident besides allowing them to learn a new skill and network with people. It could help keep things in perspective specially when helping those less fortunate than ourselves it reaffirms our self worth and gives us hope.
• Live one day at a time. Making a conscious effort to focus on the "here and now" rather than thinking about the future can help calm fears.
• Be a rock for the family. You will need to set the tone for everyone in the family. By staying positive, and being there to calmly address the concerns of family members, you can help everyone get through these stressful times without emotional downturns. The result will be a stronger family bond that serves everyone – in good times and bad.
• Manage your emotions. When facing financial difficulty, it's easy to panic and not think through decisions. Another common reaction is denial. Pretending the problem does not exist will not make financial issues and stress go away either. It's important to be aware of and handle your emotions so you can make informed choices.

Shyness at workplace

Nick is a bright young professional, highly qualified and competent; his worry is that he is losing out on promotion opportunities because of his shyness. "I become so self conscious around people that I don’t speak up in meetings, this makes others i.e. coworkers, and supervisors think that I have no good ideas to share". He talks about his interpersonal problems, self-confidence, speaking up in meetings, difficulties trying to make contact with people, networking with people, going to business social events etc and he realizes all these make it difficult for him to connect with others, and is hampering his progress.

Bernardo Carducci, Ph.D., a psychology professor at Indiana University, head of the Shyness Research Institute, and author of Shyness: A Bold New Approach and The Pocket Guide to Making Successful Small Talk, argues that when shyness is properly managed, there is no limit to the achievement of shy people in the business world. Carducci points to the success of notably shy Microsoft co-founder Paul Allen, one of the world’s richest and most successful people, and also a shy person. What do shy people who succeed professionally have in common, according to Carducci? They are in control of their shyness instead of it controlling them

For people like Nick who consider themselves victims of their Shy disposition, these tips may be very useful

BUSINESS MEETINGS

Arrive Early

Most shy people tend to show up late so that they don’t have to engage in small talk with others in the meeting. This has the undesirable effect of making them feel more isolated.

If you feel uncomfortable in meetings, it would help to arrive 10 to 15 minutes early so that you can meet people as they arrive.

Use Listening skills to your advantage

If you suffer with social anxiety in meetings, you will probably never be the most eloquent speaker in the group. Instead, use your listening skills to your advantage. If you listen carefully to what others say and choose your words carefully, others will admire your wisdom and patience.

Preparation

Do your best to prepare and research issues before a meeting so that you are up to date on the subject and your knowledge will be a source of self-confidence . Wear clothes that are comfortable and professional, and that make you feel good. Before going into a business meeting, try talking on the phone with a friend or family member that makes you feel relaxed, and then carry that feeling with you into the meeting.

Use Visuals

If you will be required to speak to the group, be sure to use some sort of visual medium as part of your presentation. Visuals are great tools both for getting a message across and drawing attention away from yourself.

SPEAKING TO SUPERVISORS

Some people struggle to feel comfortable with people in authority. Experts say we need to keep in mind that supervisors are people, too. And they like to be recognized just as anyone else does. So, if you feel anxious around your manager, for example, try to say just one thing to them on the way into the office. Ask them how their weekend was or how their family is doing. If you talk to that person in those low-stress situations, then when you get into a more supervisory situation, you’ve got some kind of history with the person. If you hold back and only speak to people about work-related things, you don’t have much comfort or much of a relationship when it comes time to talk about something more challenging.

If you find speaking with a supervisor anxiety provoking, it is best to plan ahead. See if you can make an appointment to speak with your supervisor and practice what you are going to say in advance. This way, she is prepared to listen to you and you will be more at ease.

BUSINESS SOCIAL FUNCTIONS

Most places of work have endless array of social functions that you are expected to attend; the company picnic, the annual Christmas party, retirement gatherings, and business lunches, for example.

No matter how much you dislike it ,an office party is a chance to get to know your coworkers better and present yourself in a good light to your boss and coworkers.

Below are some coping strategies to help alleviate anxiety at your office socials-

Be Friendly

You will have a better time and meet more people if you are open and friendly. Even if you feel anxious, do your best to smile, make eye contact and appear approachable.

Who To Talk With

If you are not particularly close with your coworkers, it may be hard to know who to talk with at the office party. Often it is easiest to join conversations that are already ongoing. It may also be easier to talk with spouses of coworkers, since they may not know anyone at the party and would be grateful to have someone with whom to talk.

Even if speaking with the boss makes you nervous, it is important to shake hands and say hello so that your presence is known.

What to Talk About

Although it is an office party the conversation should not revolve around work. Try to get to know people on a personal level. Ask questions and listen to what others have to say. For example, People love to talk about vacations they’re planning or have recently taken. People rarely get tired of being asked about their children. And current events usually get people talking. Think of what’s topical right now in the news, and ask your fellow partygoers what they think. To make sure that you have something to talk about, read the newspaper, visit an online news source, or read current magazines

What Not to Do

The biggest mistake that you could make at the office party is to not show up. Treat the party as a work function and force yourself to go even if you are anxious.

Once there, it is not enough just to show up. If you spend the evening sitting alone, you will not only have a miserable time but send the wrong impression to your coworkers and superiors that you are not interested in them.

Above all, avoid using alcohol to overcome your inhibitions. Often just the passage of time will have the same effect on reducing inhibitions as consuming alcohol.

Daily Interactions

Networking is an important part of being successful in your career. If you aren’t able to build relationships with the people that you work with, it will be much more difficult to advance at work. In addition, since you spend most of your waking hours at work, wouldn’t you like to have friends there?

To become more comfortable with coworkers, engage in small talk with people that you see throughout the day -- in the lunchroom, in the elevator, and at the water cooler. Greet people with general comments or compliments and start brief conversations. Gradually other people will see that you are the kind of person that is approachable and easily talks with a variety of people.

Finally, if your social anxiety is severe to the point that it is hampering your performance at work, and interfering with career advancement it may help to seek professional advice.

Sexual Harassment at Workplace

Friday Morning 1000 hrs at her office
She walks in to find a beautiful bunch of fresh Red Roses on her desk, with a note attached. The note read- "We did it! We got that account. Lets meet at 5 pm, my office, to talk about that appraisal of yours". The note was from her supervisor, two levels up. She is excited about clinching that account; after all that hard work and late hours she had put in. And the thought of a possible promotion was heady. She couldn't wait for 5pm to come.

Friday Evening 1700 hrs at his office
She walks in to his cabin, all charged up and smiling. She has prepared her appraisal papers well. She has all the details of her accomplishments for the year on neat printed sheets. Her boss leans back on his chair, and asks her to come sit next to him, and press his head. "We could chat about that promotion, when we are more comfortable", he says.

Sounds familiar? Most working women, at some time or the other, have faced situations like these, where a chance remark or a subtle comment, is made in a suggestive manner. Sometimes it's the words, and at times the tone it is uttered in, that tell her that this particular message is different. Sometimes it may be overt sometimes very subtle. It may be jokes that are cracked in her presence that make her uncomfortable because of an innuendo that she senses. Sometimes though it is quite open and blatant. It might be an invitation to dinner from a married boss or colleague and might sound innocent enough and might even make you wonder what could go wrong. Sometimes they may be isolated incidents but most times sexual harassment would typically be repetitive and sustained over a long period of time.

What constitutes Sexual harassment though?
Anything said, or done or shown to an employee, that makes the person 'feel 'uncomfortable, may come under this purview. So how does one define what constitutes sexual harassment? The Supreme Court of India has defined Sexual Harassment as follows;

"Sexual harassment includes such unwelcome sexually determined behavior (whether directly or by implication), as -

• Physical contact and advances
• A demand or request for sexual favors
• Sexually colored remarks (innuendos, jokes)
• Showing pornography

And any other unwelcome physical, verbal or non-verbal conduct of sexual nature." (Supreme Court of India Guidelines on Sexual Harassment, August 1997). The critical factor to keep in mind here is the "unwelcomeness" of the said behavior. Thus importantly, it is the "Impact" of the behavior on the recipient, rather than the "Intent" of the perpetrator that will be considered.

The main problem though, in 'proving' a Sexual Harassment case is that it challenges the typified Indian women behaviour. "She's saying no, but she really means yes" - is how a woman's image is continuously reinforced. Men are "expected" to make the first moves, and women are supposed to "like" this attention. And somewhere along the way, the idea has been generated that women who are beautiful, westernized, wear smart clothes, are single or are divorced are perceived to "ask for it", or "invite it". It's also a myth that men cannot be sexually harassed. In fact it exists in most corporate environments, though to a much lesser degree than women. It is important here that we question our own perceptions on the issue of harassment, before we can bring about any change!

Especially in a workplace scenario, where does being flirtatious, funny or friendly end and sexual harassment or sexism begin? And how does a woman say no when she is afraid - of retaliation, of losing her job or promotions, or of ruining her reputation. Or say no when she is just plain not interested - but has been conditioned to be submissive and accepting of what has come to be considered normal male behaviour? Sexual harassment on the job is not only about sex; it's about unwanted, abusive behavior -- usually repeated. The most pernicious myth about sexual harassment then, is that it's just "normal male flirting" and women are being over-sensitive. Often even when sexual harassment is accepted as an offense, it is seen as a "personal problem" - i.e., a problem between the two individuals involved. If anything, it is the woman's problem in not being able to maturely handle the situation. The reality is that it is also an employer problem because of the costs of sexual harassment to employers-in terms of low self-esteem, or of absenteeism, low productivity, employee retention, or even legal fees and claims to victims in the case of lawsuits.

The impact of Sexual Harassment on Women can be quite traumatic.
No woman can be emotionally "indifferent" to it. The survey of a Gender Study Group shows that most women felt disgusted, insulted and scared by any sort of harassment. Often what also happens is that women internalize male perceptions of sexual harassment and blame themselves for having brought on the harassment. They not only doubt the validity of their own experiences but also begin to believe that they themselves must be 'abnormal', 'cheap', 'indecent' or deserving the harassment that comes their way. Many feel extreme anger, frustration and helplessness at not being able to do anything about the harassment. Many women having faced this behaviour say that they find it difficult to trust or have friendships with men. Some women are able to handle it by being aggressive but most women encountering sexual harassment at work, take the easy way out and quit their jobs. (Only to find that it exists everywhere). And forced by the circumstances over which they have no control, they become bitter.

So what does an employee do if faced with an unpleasant situation like this?
Seek help. Most companies have a strict anti-harassment policy. Details about it are probably on your company intranet. This committee will most probably have members of both genders, so you can choose to speak to someone with whom you are more comfortable. You could always contact the HR department who can give you more information.

Remember that by acting, you will not only protect yourself but will also help prevent others from having to go through the same trauma.

Addiction to work

"When work gets the best of one's time, energy and imagination, when nothing is left over for friends, spouse, children or oneself, work is an addiction."

Workaholism may seem a recent phenomenon, brought about by the relentless pace of modern civilisation, but in reality workaholics have always existed. In Roman times, Pliny the Elder, the famous writer and statesman, used to start his working day at midnight and have books read to him at mealtimes so that he didn't have to stop working.

The impact of workaholism

Workaholics are often surprised when friends or family ask for more attention or time. After all, they are working hard and providing so well. The work addict will say he or she has "no choice" - the time they give to work is the time required to do and keep a good job.

There is no doubt that there is great value in hard work. Work can be a source of great satisfaction, and one's employer has every right to expect efficiency and good results. Workaholics tend to be well organised and thorough, energetic and self-motivated. They are able to focus exclusively on what they are doing at the moment.

A point to remember is that most of the great things that have been done throughout history have been done by people who put more effort into their work than most. There probably has not been any major reform, for example, that has not required at least one person to work 'excessively' for it.

However, what makes work abusive or addictive, as opposed to healthy or constructive is the degree to which it interferes with physical health, personal happiness, or intimate and social relationships. In some ways, overworking is harder to kick than the other addictions because it is the only one that draws applause.

Long hours, with little relief, generally lead to less productivity or inefficiency, neglected family and social life and distorted concepts of what's important and what's not. In the name of ?doing their job?, workaholics may neglect personal relationships, parenting responsibilities, even their own health.

Relationships require a certain amount of time and attention to keep them alive, and to keep us emotionally nourished, as well. The workaholic fits relationships in around the work schedule, and if work takes all the time then there are no relationships, except on the most casual basis.

A national study conducted in 1999 in the United States found that women married to workaholics felt more estranged from their husbands, had less positive feelings toward them, and felt in less control of their lives than a comparison group of women married to non-workaholics. Their marriages were also more likely to end in divorce.

This study suggests that workaholism, like alcoholism and other addictions, takes a severe toll on marriages.
Work addicts can be so busy working that they miss the process of growth and development in their children. Their children see them as strangers, resent the abandonment and frequently act out. The children may eventually find themselves in trouble, at which point one hears the parent say "Where did I go wrong? I gave them everything."

When work-addiction takes over, basic needs for sleep, proper food, exercise and freedom to refresh the mind and restore the spirit are ignored. It is not uncommon for health problems to crop up.

And because the person's identity is so wrapped up in work, losing a job or even retirement becomes a major calamity. Since they have never developed a life apart from work, without a job they are faced with total emptiness - exactly what they tried so hard to avoid.

Beating the need to work all hours can be tough - in the US, Workaholics Anonymous groups have been started along the same lines as the Alcoholics Anonymous!


What can one do about workaholism?

• Gradually cut down the number of hours you work each day or week. Avoid radical changes, but take measurable steps, like making it a rule not to work on weekends. (If that means you have to cut your workload proportionally by skipping unimportant tasks or delegating some work, so be it.) Learn to focus on results rather than hours spent at the office.
• Schedule time for your primary relationship. Most relationships require at least 20-30 minutes of "connect time" every day. This time is spent simply checking in with, and catching up with one another.
• Plan time for recreation in your schedule as though it were an important commitment. (It is.) Set aside some time for fun, however brief, every day.
• Get some physical exercise every day. Take a walk, do some stretching, or participate in some other non-stressful, non-competitive activity.
• Avoid talking shop over lunch.
• Select leisure activities carefully. You need at least one activity you can share with family or friends.
• Refuse to feel guilty when you're not working.

After pursuing other activities, you'll return to work with a fresher approach.

Anger management in Workplace

Anger in the Workplace

Nick was a ‘hothead’. He got angry very often, would blow up at his colleagues, often using abusive language. Sometime he would even fling things around. Other than this he was an excellent performer and so people seemed to tolerate this behavior. However when the time came for promotions, Nick was passed over in favor of someone who not so brilliant but was calm and controlled. Nick’s manager said that if he was to be considered for future promotions he would have to learn to control his anger. Nick was really shaken up – he had no idea his outbursts had even been noticed by seniors or that this could have such a negative impact on his career.

What causes anger in the workplace?
Usually it is when something you want to happen is not happening. Someone is not doing what you want them to do, there is some perceived unfairness, another’s behavior is causing inconvenience or is offensive. By expressing anger we are trying to get the other person to behave as we want them to.
Some people have learn to use anger as a means to get their own way in personal life, and so continue to use this even at work. But what they need to realize is that uncontrolled anger is perceived very negatively in the workplace.
Perhaps you feel that the idea of controlling anger seems all wrong.

"I am being true to myself, why should I change?”
“Well, if they are good colleagues/friends, they just have to accept me for who I am.”
“Why should I just take things lying down – they should know how I feel”

Yes, it may feel good for a while to know that you have vented your feelings, that you have established your point of view. But what are the other consequences?

Impact of uncontrolled expression of anger
Co-workers tend to lose respect for people who frequently vent their anger. You will not be perceived as a person who is rational, competent and capable of handling stress. And your words and actions during fits of anger could lead to irreparable damage to your professional relationships. You may regret what you said later, but you cannot undo it. Can you afford these negative perceptions?
Some people actually use anger deliberately to intimidate others into doing what they want. This may achieve its goal – others may do what they want, but they will be very resentful and feel manipulated. And if you want to work as a team then you need willing cooperation, not grudging compliance.
In addition, as Nick found out, you are being observed and evaluated. Uncontrolled anger is not the hallmark of a good leader, and so you are unlikely to be sought out for important leadership positions.

So what should you do when you are angry?
We are not suggesting that you must accept injustice or wrong-doing or that you should avoid all conflict. What we do recommend is that you learn to control your anger. Take time and active steps to calm down, and once you are able to think rationally, you can decide what steps you need to take. That way you will be acting consciously, not just reacting.
Do also remember that there are some things that can be changed, and we can use our anger constructively to help bring about that change. If a system or a process needs to be revised, if a person is consistently bullying others, if there is clear injustice – then rational action to bring about change would be excellent. But there are also other situations where change is not possible, or at least you are not in a position to bring about or even influence that change. In such circumstances you may have to learn to accept and make the best of the situation, or even remove yourself from it. Of course, as the prayer of the Alcoholics Anonymous states, it takes wisdom to know the difference between what can be changed and what cannot!

Anger is not wrong in itself, but uncontrolled expression of anger is never a good idea, and very definitely not acceptable in the workplace. Being able to control your anger is seen as a sign of maturity, and therefore will contribute to your career growth. It is well worth investing time and energy in learning to control anger rather than let it control you.

Overcome the fear of speaking in public

Do you dread having to do a formal presentation? Does the thought of speaking in meetings make you nervous?  You are not alone!

In a survey seeking to identify people's phobias, 41% of all respondents reported public speaking as their most significant fear; fear of death ranked only sixth! Another study found that more than 80% of the population feels anxious when they speak to an audience. Nervousness about speaking in public is not uncommon. John F. Kennedy and Winston Churchill, both considered great orators, were extremely fearful of speaking in public.

Top Ten Fears Among Americans 1. Speaking before a     group 2. Heights 3. Insects and Bugs 4. Financial problems 5. Deep water 6. Sickness 7. DEATH !! 8. Flying 9. Loneliness 10. Dogs

People who articulate well, both privately and in front of a group, are generally perceived to be more intelligent and to possess greater leadership qualities. Being able to speak effectively is important whether the intent is to ask for a raise or persuade an individual or company to take a specific action. Effective speaking skills can be especially valuable when you are called on to make an unexpected presentation. Such a situation can be nerve-racking, unpleasant, and potentially disastrous - or at least embarrassing! If you occupy any type of leadership position in any organization, sooner or later such an occasion will arise. That's when preparation and pre-learned skills will come to the rescue and enable you to turn surprise to your advantage. Confidence and effectiveness in front of a group are huge assets.

How do we overcome this anxiety? First we need to understand that nervousness is rooted in psychological stress (fear of failure) that manifests itself in physical symptoms (fast pulse, shallow breathing, dry mouth, sweaty palms, sick stomach, strange voice, and jittery knees). Another important fact is that, the feeling of apprehension is not all bad; anxiety can be useful. Extra adrenaline, increased blood flow and other physical changes caused by anxiety improve energy level and this enables you to function better than you might otherwise. Your heightened state of readiness can actually help you to speak better.

You can benefit from learning some positive approaches that will allow your nervousness to work for you. Here are some tips to help you fight nervousness.

Be prepared. The single best way to fight nervousness is to be well prepared. If you're well prepared, and still feel nervous, your preparation will help reduce your nervousness once you begin to speak. Prepare, and then rehearse, rehearse and rehearse!! Understand your audience wants you to succeed!

Know your audience. The more you can anticipate the kind of reaction your listeners will have to your speech, the more comfortable you will be delivering your message.

Visualize your success. Imagine yourself giving your speech, picture yourself walking confidently to the front and delivering your speech in a confident, controlled, calm manner.

Use deep breathing. One of the symptoms of nervousness is change in your breathing and heart rates. Nervous speakers need to take short, shallow breaths, to help break the anxiety-induced breathing pattern, take a few slow deep breaths, before you rise to speak. Also try to relax your entire body.

Act calm to feel calm. Evidence suggests that you can bring on certain emotions by behaving as if you were feeling them. If you wish to feel greater calmness, behave in a calm way. Give yourself extra time top to arrive so you won't have to rush. Try not to fidget as you wait. Walk forward as though you were calm and collected.

Focus on your message rather than on your fear. The more you think that you are anxious about speaking, the more you will increase your level of anxiety. Think about what you are going to say instead.

Seek speaking opportunities. The more experience you gain as a public speaker, the less nervous you will feel.

Workplace Romance

We spend a lot of time with colleagues in the workplace. It's only natural that at least some of those relationships would turn into romance. Romance can certainly make coming to work more interesting! And the chances of meeting a person with whom you have much in common are quite high. However, getting involved can be somewhat risky both for your career and for your relationship. So get to know some 'rules' before you get into a relationship.

KNOW YOUR COMPANY'S POLICY

Although dating a coworker is not illegal, some companies have policies against it; others turn a blind eye. Some companies don't want to intrude on employees' lives, while others are very conscious about the fact that it could lead to sexual harassment claims. Companies are worried about liability if a romance goes bad and therefore have a policy regarding interoffice romance.

Know your company's policy written and unwritten policies (Will one employee have to leave a department/team or the company?) and discuss, as a couple, the potential impact of your relationship on career.

HOW WILL IT AFFECT YOUR WORK?

Often new relationships are a big distraction, more so if your sweetheart is in the office. Minimize the effect by agreeing to talk only certain times during the day, like lunch. You need to very consciously keep your personal life separate.

Be aware of your motivations too, since boredom or dissatisfaction may be your impetus for office romance. If someone is bored or unsatisfied at work, having a romance can deflect dealing with other issues.

The ups and downs in your relationship could also affect your productivity at work.

CAUTION!

There is one corporate rule that is wise to follow: If the person you date is your supervisor/team leader/manager or a subordinate, it's best to simply steer clear. It's difficult to report to someone or effectively manage someone you're in love with. Besides this, there could be complaints of favouritism once others get to know. If you do become involved with your boss, ask to have your reporting relationship changed.

Another situation to be wary about: if either partner is married to someone else, this complicates the situation tremendously.

BE DISCREET

When you are in a relationship with a co-worker the golden rule to follow is to behave discreetly in the workplace.

Don't tell too many people at work about your relationship, and don't discuss your plans publicly. When Asha started dating her present fianc?she managed to keep loose talk to the minimum by not being seen with him around her workplace. "We used to meet at shop down the street and go out from there," she said. "For many months we barely nodded at each other at work."

Sometimes it's hard biting your tongue, Gautam says, when work and love collide. "If people said bad things about her I couldn't say, 'Shut up, that's my girlfriend.' I couldn't defend her the way I would have liked."

Completely avoid all physical contact or any public display of affection in the office. Don't send flowers or gifts to the workplace and do not write romantic e-mails using your official ID. Remember also that telephone conversations can be overheard!

BE PROFESSIONAL

If your position or responsibilities require you to work together, attend the same meetings, so on, behave professionally at all times. You are encouraged to be yourself, maintain and speak your continuing opinions, exhibit the same skills, and conduct yourself in the same manner as you did prior to the relationship.

These rules also apply even to social functions at work. At an office party or business social function, for instance don't dance too closely or hold hands, and be careful how you address each other.

MEET EACH OTHER OUTSIDE THE WORKPLACE

It is important to meet each other in different contexts as well. At work you only see one aspect of the person and the context of family background, community, religion and upbringing may seem less important. However all these factors also come into play in a long-term relationship.

IF THE RELATIONSHIP BREAKS UP????

You probably don't want to think about this, but there is always the chance that the relationship could fail. If this happens, be professional and adult about it. Even if you've been jilted and the relationship ends badly you cannot vent your negative feelings in the office. Neither should you attempt to pursue or persuade the other person. This is the risk of office relationships. They sometimes don't work out and then you have to continue to see or work with the person everyday.

Love and romance at the workplace are on the increase - and these could result in happy long-term relationships. Just make sure that you proceed with caution!

Manage workplace relationships

Do you look forward to coming to work because you enjoy the company and support of your colleagues? Or do you dread it because you do not get along with the others, or feel that you cannot trust them and see them as competitors.

Good relationships at work can make all the difference to our experience at the workplace. When we maintain congenial relationships with co-workers it helps us get our work done more smoothly, we enjoy our work more and it even motivates us to keep going despite obstacles and challenges. On the contrary, when working relationships are unpleasant, not only is it more difficult to get things done, but it also creates a negative atmosphere which affects our mood and productivity and even motivation to work.

We have different types of relationships at work. Some help us to get things done for eg. we need to network in order to get the information or resources that we need to carry out a task or we have to work collaboratively on a project. Other relationships help us to feel good - we may share our stresses or successes, encourage, support and motivate one another, eat meals together and so on. Both types of relationships are important and need to be nurtured.

In many ways workplace relationships are similar to any other relationships, and so many of the same principles would apply.

Give and take
All good relationships involve a certain amount of reciprocity and workplace relationships are no different. If one person seems to be at the receiving end all the time, the other would eventually become resentful. While it is good to ask for help when we require it, we should also take the time to find out what others need and try to provide assistance whenever we can.

Besides pouring out our problems or sharing our own successes, we also need to take time to ask our colleagues about their lives, and really listen attentively.

Communicate
Accurate communication is essential to a good relationship. We should take time to clarify what we mean. In the event of a misunderstanding or conflict, we should talk directly to the person concerned rather than discuss with others. There is sometimes a tendency to avoid a person with whom we have had a difference of opinion, but this is counterproductive. A direct discussion will clear the air and pave the way to restore the relationship.

Share common interests
We spend much of our waking time at work so it makes sense to check out if there are others who share a common interest – whether it is playing a sport, trekking, volunteer work, music, going for movies / plays or anything else. You will have company as you pursue this activity which will help in your all-round development and it will also help you bond with others. This is particularly important if you have moved into a new city to work or if your friends have moved away or work at different timings.

It is also wise to observe certain boundaries in these relationships to avoid negative consequences:

Remain professional
While it is not necessary to be aloof and formal, we must remember that we are primarily colleagues and therefore avoid saying or doing anything that would compromise this working relationship. While it is acceptable and even valuable to socialise with colleagues outside of the workplace, it is important not to do something that would result in feeling embarrassed to face them the next day.

Avoid gossip and back-biting
Gossip is widespread yet extremely destructive. It is possible to actively take steps to avoid being sucked into this negative pattern. If we find ourselves in a group which is tearing someone to pieces, we could attempt to steer the conversation in a more positive direction. If this doesn’t work it is better to tactfully leave the room – eventually others will get the message.

Be careful whom you trust
You may have built a close relationship with some people and feel safe in confiding in them. But do not assume that everyone is equally trustworthy. If something that you have said is repeated or quoted out of context this could cause a lot of problems. If there is something that you would not like to be repeated, then avoid sharing this information.

Good workplace relationships will make you look forward to coming to work, and you will find yourself saying ‘Thank goodness it’s Monday’!