Living and working away from home

When you take up a new job in a new city, and move away from your family for the first time, you're setting yourself up for a lot of changes - living on your own, managing your finances, exploring opportunities, being adventurous, establishing a routine for yourself. While all of this, can be quite exciting and a great learning experience to have, the cumulative effect of having to adjust to all these new things all at the same time, can be quite overwhelming as well. Changes require adjustments - in lifestyle, attitudes and behaviors. This sort of adaptation to a new set up has also been known as "culture shock". But anticipating changes, difficulties and challenges can minimize its impact.

Adjustment unfolds in stages:

The "Honeymoon" Stage:
The first few weeks in your own, new place and the new city will be very exciting. Everything will be new and interesting, and you will likely be so busy getting settled and starting work that you may hardly notice that you miss your family and your familiar set-up.

Disenchantment stage:
When you face the realities of the new set-up, you might feel irritable, lonely, depressed, confused, may start to re-think this move and wonder why you did it. Sometimes you may feel hostile toward the local people and their way of doing things, and even trivial irritations may cause hostility to flare. Local peculiarities might make you irritable, make you grumble or crib often and compare it your familiar set-up. Homesickness starts to become a real issue.

Beginning resolution stage:
As you continue to struggle with homesickness, slowly, in time, you will come to better understand your new environment and will find, maybe even unconsciously, that you are adjusting to your new set up. You will experience less frequent feelings of irritability (if not complete resolution) and will start being proactive about making new friends, exploring the where and what of the new city and start working your way through your new organization - its nice and then not-so-nice aspects.

Effective functioning stage - Integration and Acceptance
Finally, you will find that you will have, at least on some level, started to consider your new set-up, your home. You will have made friends, reconciled and worked your way through the challenging bits of living away from home and old friends and will feel more accepted by your new set-up.

The length and intensity of each stage depends upon the individual, and the stages may even overlap but no one escapes it completely. The important thing to remember is that you are not the only one experiencing these feelings. Many others before you have gone through it, and there are others all around you who are dealing with these adjustments.

Common problems:

Starting life all over again. Basic things that people associate with familiarity, comfort, and routine, such as a place to live and food, are unfamiliar and new to you. You may have problems with eating, sleeping and other normal daily activities, especially in the beginning.

Financial problems. Living and working in a new place for the first time, will involve difficult financial management - figuring out how much to spend, on what to spend, how much to save, etc. Also, if you are finding a place to live with another person, issues of partnering on rent, deposit and other payments as well as getting familiar with lease agreement formalities and the like, will need to be figured out.

Health. New city, climate, eating out in the initial months, can cause health problems, which may add to feelings of loneliness, frustration, and overall stress.

Safety. Adjusting to living and traveling alone, figuring out a safe area to have a place of your own, and working out safe timings, can all become relevant issues - more so for women.

Separation from family and natural support system. You naturally worry about the well being of your family, relatives and friends. You will miss them. You may express homesickness in a variety of ways, such as becoming sad and crying a lot, worrying, or denying the homesickness and keeping yourself busy. You may also be bothered by guilt that you are losing touch with your family and home, as you get busy.

Social isolation and difficulty establishing friendships. You may find it difficult to mingle and get comfortable. You may find yourself sticking to people only from your background or culture or you may feel isolated from the larger group. Research into cultural adaptation of any kind, suggests that people who make satisfactory contacts with local people seem to be more satisfied with their experience and overall adaptation.

Reluctance to participate in discussions or mingle due to lack of confidence or poor English language skills. Small group seminars may be particularly anxiety-provoking for you; you may think that you cannot contribute to the group and, as a result, you may feel judged by your peers. Also, you may feel uncomfortable asking questions or asking for help or expressing your ideas.

Stereotyping and discrimination. You may come across some people who may actively discriminate against you or who look at you through a typical stereotype coming from popular media or rumors and may try to stay away from you as a result of this misinformation.

Psychological discomfort and low self-confidence. You may feel sad, anxious, frustrated, lonely, misunderstood, stressed out, homesick. Also, you may have psychosomatic symptoms such as headaches, stomach aches and general fatigue. For some, the stress may reach crisis levels, especially in the first six months of your stay in a new set-up. Because adjustment to a new set-up takes up so much emotional energy, you may feel depleted and feel like you no longer have the confidence to do the things you used to. You may find yourself changing or slowly lacking in self-confidence - which was never the case before.

What you can DO to help yourself:

While surviving culture shock is largely a matter of developing the right attitude and the right expectations, there are a few practical things you can do to help yourself:

• Make sure you know what to expect before you arrive. Read more about the city, the culture, potential residential areas and other things before you get there. This will help you orient yourself physically and mentally when you arrive in the city.
• Find some time to walk around your new neighborhood. This might help you develop a sense of home as you find the local stores, parks, activity centers, and so on. Observe and Learn.
• Talk to other new comers to put your experience into perspective. See people. Don't withdraw. Going out and socializing will distract you from your troubles. Remind yourself that it takes time to adjust to a new situation.
• Do the things you did at home to cheer up (restaurants, movies, playing a sport, concerts).
• Learn the basics of the local language - this can be a crucial key in gaining acceptance and indeed feeling comfortable in a new set-up. Even if you think you'll never have time to learn the local language, working at it for an hour or two a week will make you feel better about yourself.
• Remember your strengths. Take risks and speak out, mingle - in order to overcome the nervousness. Don't wait for others to take the effort and come forward. Once you make the effort and open up, you will see that it'll put others at ease and help them come forward.
• Reach out to the locals and ask them about how it works there - culture, transport, language, events in the city, etc. Observations have shown that local people enjoy talking or sharing about their culture and willingly open up to people who are interested and enquire about this. Talk about your culture. All this could become an important cultural exchange and a conversation that can lead to not just better adjustment in figuring your way through things, but also bring about friendship and support.
• Take care of your health. You can use the gym facilities at your work place or enroll in a gym in your area, or just walk/run on campus. Studies have shown that, as a result of physical exercise, our brains produce chemicals that make us feel more energetic and satisfied.
• Keep a journal. Putting your thoughts down may help you unload after a stressful or even highly successful day. Moreover, the journal is private.
• Keep in touch with family and friends and make sure that reach out to them when you need them - keep up the connection and don't let it go?especially with old friends. All it takes is a short email, phone call or text message these days!
• Talk to a counselor if you need to - to seek help in putting things in perspective and also dealing with the challenges. 

Knowing more about what you can expect in your new set-up and how you could feel in such a situation can help you mentally prepare yourself for the challenge and the excitement of living away from home, in a new set-up, for the first time.

People skills at workplace

Want to Succeeed in Your Career ?Want to Be a Great Leader?

Your People Skills could be crucial

32 year old Shiamak is brilliant, creative, energetic and aggressive. A financial and strategic genius is what some would call him. But none of these qualities seem to be helping him at the moment, he has just discovered a major production setback in an extensively publicized new product. Thousands of orders have been delayed, angry customers are furious and who knows how this news will affect the company’s stocks.

Things would not have reached such a crisis for Shiamak, if he had understood the value of building relationship with his peers and had his subordinates found him approachable, he might have been able to appreciate the cross-functional challenges of developing this particular product. Despite his brilliance and talent Shiamak is perceived by his peers and subordinates as self promoting, remote and intolerant. Relationships with his peers and subordinates were not a priority with him. Like so many other talented people he lacks the emotional competencies that would help him work better as a team.

We all have met people who hate their jobs because of the people they work with. In a survey of 1500 workers it was found that 12 percent of staff had quit a job at some point to avoid nasty people at work and 45 percent were thinking about doing so. Experts estimate that 15% of your success comes from your skill and knowledge and 85% from your ability to connect to people and build trust and respect.

The ability to get along well with people in your personal relationships and in the workplace is a set of learned skills. No one is born knowing how to build others self esteem, show empathy, encourage cooperation, and communicate assertively etc…

However it is not very difficult to learn and develop these skills. By making the effort to build these ‘people skills’ you will be able to build a better relationship at home and at work. It is a proven fact that people who can get things done through others, who can motivate; those who are liked and those who get along with others, stand a better chance at becoming leaders in the work place and leading a more happy and satisfied life. For a happier and more satisfied professional and personal life it is worth investing time and effort building the following set of skills;

Build others' self-esteem: At home, at work and everywhere else, people like to hear that they're important and relevant. Let them know you think they're working real hard, that they're doing a great job—that they're contributing; that who they are and what they do has genuine value. Try it with your spouse, with your colleagues, with your friends. Be an encourager and an affirmer. There is no easier way to building your relationships than this.

You can make others feel good by doing the following:

• Make eye contact with others.
• Call others by their names.
• Ask others their opinions.
• Compliment others' work.
• Tell people how much you appreciate them.
• Write notes of thanks when someone does something worthwhile.

Show empathy for others: Empathy means recognizing emotions in others. It is the capacity to put yourself in another person's shoes and understand how they feel about things.

Focus on your similarities: Research shows we're more likely to be influenced by people who are similar to us. If you've been there too, if you've endured their pain, if you look and talk and dress like they do, they'll probably like you more. They'll listen to you more, they'll confide in you more. So focus on the similar. Even if you have a scant one percent commonality with somebody at work, focus 100 percent of your conversation on that commonality when you can.

Communicate assertively: Assertive communication is a constructive way of expressing feelings and opinions. Assertive behavior enables you to:

• Act in your own best interests.
• Stand up for yourself without becoming anxious.
• Express your honest feelings.
• Assert your personal rights without denying the rights of others

Encourage people to cooperate with each other: Whether you are managing a family or a work group, there are specific things you can do to create an environment where others work together well.

• Don't play favorites. Treat everyone the same.
• Don't talk about people behind their backs.
• Ask for others' ideas. Participation increases commitment.
• Follow up on suggestions, requests, and comments, even if you are unable to carry out a request.
• Reinforce cooperative behavior. Don't take it for granted.

At your workplace build a team instead of a staff of competitors. Pitting people, who have to work together against each other sets up an atmosphere of unnecessary competition. The real competitor is the other business, not the people inside.

Don't complain: Do not complain unless you have a solution. Offer potential solutions when you identify problems, or say nothing at all

Smile a lot: Do it consistently throughout the day and then watch how others respond to you. You'll be pleasantly surprised (and they might be too!).

Use self-depreciating humor: Don't hesitate to make fun of yourself. In a world where people are so full of themselves and incessantly concerned about communicating their own importance, self-depreciating humor can instantly make you attractive.

Talk about your own mistakes while raising theirs: You might be a perfectionist, but you're not perfect. If you want to get somebody to listen to you about mistakes they've made, start by identifying your own.

Be approachable: Create an environment where people are relaxed in your presence and feel comfortable approaching you.

Apologize: Just say it and see how liberating it is.

Never, ever gossip - ever: Many people don't even realize they're doing it, bonding with someone by tarnishing someone else's reputation

Don't communicate when you're angry: Sometimes it's unavoidable, but often it's not. Most of us do an exceedingly poor job of making our point clear when our brains are clouded by anger. Never ever send an angry email. If you send it, your angry words will be on record for ever. So just say no to angry emails.

People skills are like any other skills. The more you use them, the more adept you become. So if you're serious about "perfecting" your people skills, there's no shortcut. Only practice will make perfect.

It is estimated that workers and managers spend half to two-thirds of their time dealing with people problems. The bottom line is that an aptitude for working with others is extremely important, so make a commitment to improve your people skills and you’ll observe that not only does it make you more productive but makes your job easier as well.

The Financial Crisis: Overcoming fear and stress

Ajay has a good job and a happy marriage. But lately he has been very anxious as he follows media coverage of the economic downturn. He is not sure if his job is secure, and worried about repaying the EMIs on his housing and personal loans and the children's fees. These days Ajay and his wife frequently quarrel over finances, the children grumble when they can’t have the ‘extras’ that they took for granted. He is tense and irritable, and finds it difficult to sleep, eat, or enjoy time with the family.

Ajay is not the only one in this position. News of the crashing stock-market, recession, layoffs, salary cuts… the uncertain financial situation is certainly a cause of great stress to most people. For those who until recently were very comfortably off, worries about how to handle day-to-day living as well as long-term financial commitments could be overwhelming. In the current economic situation the fear of unemployment is also very real. With so much emphasis on the financial crisis it is difficult to avoid feelings of anxiety and distress.

COMMON REACTIONS
Individuals could react to the situation in a variety of ways depending on the degree to which they are personally affected. The impact could be felt in many areas of one’s life:

At WORK it may be hard to maintain productivity. There could be a tendency not to give full commitment to the work because one is preoccupied with possible job loss and wondering whether other options should be checked out. At the same time there may be additional workload and pressure to prove oneself. Whether or not one’s job is directly affected, there may be anxiety about possible changes in the future.

On the PERSONAL front, individuals and families may struggle to cope on a reduced budget. Difficult decisions may have to be made regarding purchases, investments, housing – even marriage plans may have to be deferred. EMI’s, school fees, loans, credit card dues all need to be paid on an income that may be less than anticipated. It is not easy to explain to families that they can no longer afford the same holidays, clothing or schools. Disagreements related to finance may affect marital and other relationships.

PHYSICAL HEALTH may also be affected, with anxiety reactions, insomnia, headaches, back-ache, skin and digestive problems. Some individuals may resort to excessive use of alcohol or smoking as a way of escape, which in turn could lead to further problems.

COPING STRATEGIES
These difficult times are likely to stay for awhile. Instead of giving in to feelings of panic or denying the magnitude of the problem, one needs to face the situation squarely and take steps to get one’s life under control. Experts recommend a number of steps that could be helpful, and warn against others that are actually counter-productive. Let’s look at some of these.

DON’T . . .

• Don’t turn to substance abuse. Turning to alcohol, drugs or excessive smoking is one way in which individuals could try to escape their problems. This type of “solution” is only going to make matters worse. Drug addiction or alcoholism will leave the individual in no shape to recover financially when things do improve.
• Don’t take it out on loved ones. During times of stress there is often increased irritability and frustration and some individuals may resort to physical abuse of their partners or children as a means of coping. This of course is unacceptable and anyone who feels the urge to hurt their partner should seek help from a counselor to manage anger immediately.
• Don’t turn inward. Another possible reaction is to ‘clam up’ and withdraw from others. By doing this one is shutting off from people who want to help as well as from potential solutions to the problems.
• Don’t make sudden financial moves based on fear or stress. Proceed with caution and get expert advice before making impulsive decisions, such as selling your home, borrowing from your provident fund or changing investment options in your retirement savings plan.
• Avoid too much exposure to news about the economy. If this makes you worry. Limit how much financial news you read, listen to or watch.

DO . . .

• Stay positive. Those who maintain a positive mental attitude through tough financial times are the ones who bounce back the quickest. Try to recognize and appreciate all the positive things in your life. Focus on relationships with your friends and family, and your emotional and physical well-being. This will put things in a proper perspective and help you get through each day.
• Focus on what you can control. You cannot control the stock market or the economy, but you can control certain aspects of your personal finances. Remember that even in the past there have been financial highs and lows. The best way to get through the lows is to manage your money wisely and find ways to cope with uncertainty.
• Get financial counseling. Contact a financial expert (eg your chartered accountant) who can give you short-term solutions for your current financial problems without losing sight of your long-term financial goals so you’re not back in the same position a year from now.
• Learn to budget and use money wisely.
• Learn techniques to cope with anxiety and stress. Try relaxation, deep-breathing exercises, increase your physical activity and sleep and make an effort to be involved with some leisure activities.
• Upgrade your skills. This is a good time to carry out your plans to study further. This would not only serve to distract you from brooding over the crisis, but even more importantly, will be a great help in improving your prospects when the recession is over.
• Volunteering Helps. Studies have shown that helping others can improve the helpers own well being, getting involved with others can be stress relieving as it takes the focus off our selves. Volunteering makes people happier and more confident besides allowing them to learn a new skill and network with people. It could help keep things in perspective specially when helping those less fortunate than ourselves it reaffirms our self worth and gives us hope.
• Live one day at a time. Making a conscious effort to focus on the "here and now" rather than thinking about the future can help calm fears.
• Be a rock for the family. You will need to set the tone for everyone in the family. By staying positive, and being there to calmly address the concerns of family members, you can help everyone get through these stressful times without emotional downturns. The result will be a stronger family bond that serves everyone – in good times and bad.
• Manage your emotions. When facing financial difficulty, it's easy to panic and not think through decisions. Another common reaction is denial. Pretending the problem does not exist will not make financial issues and stress go away either. It's important to be aware of and handle your emotions so you can make informed choices.

Addiction to work

"When work gets the best of one's time, energy and imagination, when nothing is left over for friends, spouse, children or oneself, work is an addiction."

Workaholism may seem a recent phenomenon, brought about by the relentless pace of modern civilisation, but in reality workaholics have always existed. In Roman times, Pliny the Elder, the famous writer and statesman, used to start his working day at midnight and have books read to him at mealtimes so that he didn't have to stop working.

The impact of workaholism

Workaholics are often surprised when friends or family ask for more attention or time. After all, they are working hard and providing so well. The work addict will say he or she has "no choice" - the time they give to work is the time required to do and keep a good job.

There is no doubt that there is great value in hard work. Work can be a source of great satisfaction, and one's employer has every right to expect efficiency and good results. Workaholics tend to be well organised and thorough, energetic and self-motivated. They are able to focus exclusively on what they are doing at the moment.

A point to remember is that most of the great things that have been done throughout history have been done by people who put more effort into their work than most. There probably has not been any major reform, for example, that has not required at least one person to work 'excessively' for it.

However, what makes work abusive or addictive, as opposed to healthy or constructive is the degree to which it interferes with physical health, personal happiness, or intimate and social relationships. In some ways, overworking is harder to kick than the other addictions because it is the only one that draws applause.

Long hours, with little relief, generally lead to less productivity or inefficiency, neglected family and social life and distorted concepts of what's important and what's not. In the name of ?doing their job?, workaholics may neglect personal relationships, parenting responsibilities, even their own health.

Relationships require a certain amount of time and attention to keep them alive, and to keep us emotionally nourished, as well. The workaholic fits relationships in around the work schedule, and if work takes all the time then there are no relationships, except on the most casual basis.

A national study conducted in 1999 in the United States found that women married to workaholics felt more estranged from their husbands, had less positive feelings toward them, and felt in less control of their lives than a comparison group of women married to non-workaholics. Their marriages were also more likely to end in divorce.

This study suggests that workaholism, like alcoholism and other addictions, takes a severe toll on marriages.
Work addicts can be so busy working that they miss the process of growth and development in their children. Their children see them as strangers, resent the abandonment and frequently act out. The children may eventually find themselves in trouble, at which point one hears the parent say "Where did I go wrong? I gave them everything."

When work-addiction takes over, basic needs for sleep, proper food, exercise and freedom to refresh the mind and restore the spirit are ignored. It is not uncommon for health problems to crop up.

And because the person's identity is so wrapped up in work, losing a job or even retirement becomes a major calamity. Since they have never developed a life apart from work, without a job they are faced with total emptiness - exactly what they tried so hard to avoid.

Beating the need to work all hours can be tough - in the US, Workaholics Anonymous groups have been started along the same lines as the Alcoholics Anonymous!


What can one do about workaholism?

• Gradually cut down the number of hours you work each day or week. Avoid radical changes, but take measurable steps, like making it a rule not to work on weekends. (If that means you have to cut your workload proportionally by skipping unimportant tasks or delegating some work, so be it.) Learn to focus on results rather than hours spent at the office.
• Schedule time for your primary relationship. Most relationships require at least 20-30 minutes of "connect time" every day. This time is spent simply checking in with, and catching up with one another.
• Plan time for recreation in your schedule as though it were an important commitment. (It is.) Set aside some time for fun, however brief, every day.
• Get some physical exercise every day. Take a walk, do some stretching, or participate in some other non-stressful, non-competitive activity.
• Avoid talking shop over lunch.
• Select leisure activities carefully. You need at least one activity you can share with family or friends.
• Refuse to feel guilty when you're not working.

After pursuing other activities, you'll return to work with a fresher approach.